Before John F. Kennedy was a candidate for President, he was an applicant to Princeton. His 1935 application essay was handwritten; it was all of five tepid sentences. Hoping to ramp up some enthusiasm at the end, he concluded, "To be a ‘Princeton Man’ is indeed an enviable distinction."
A “Princeton Man”: the phrase calls up countless black and white images of turn-of-the-century bros. They’re all white; they all look great tossing a football around in a three-piece suit. In their class photo, every young man has the broad-chested confidence of someone who stands an 82% chance of chairing his local chamber of commerce or taking over his father’s seat in the U.S. Senate.
The reality was more complex, but from our current vantage point, to be that kind of "Princeton Man" meant being a member of a club bound together by race, wealth, and a vaguely defined set of WASP values. And, of course, not being women — because the leaders of tomorrow couldn’t possibly be female, right? In other words, the nostalgia stirred up by those sepia-toned "Princeton Men" is partly nostalgia for exclusion and privilege; it stands in the way of the equitable and inclusive future that we are striving to build today.
More recently, another concept of the "Princeton Man" has been put forth by so-called "Princeton Mom" Susan Patton ’77. In a 2013 letter to the Prince, Patton infamously urged straight women enrolled at the U to lock down a hubbie before commencement. Princeton women would never again have such a wide pool of intellectual equals, she argued. Better get a ring by spring.
The ensuing hubbub glossed over the fact that Patton’s idea of a "Princeton Man" wasn’t exactly a catch. As potential mates, the straight "Princeton Man" was painted as an attractive partners because of his "soaring intellect" and fine manners, but the whole premise of the piece was that men need to be tied down because they are inclined to wander off like testosterone-fueled zombies whenever a new hottie enters their visual field.
Beneath the veneer of intelligence and class, Patton’s "Princeton Man" was, at his core, a caveman. He’d only enter into a relationship with a truly equal partner if she subtly coerced him into a commitment. Otherwise, he would float away in the "limitless universe of women" available for his selection.
Is there anything to be salvaged in this term? Could the phrase "Princeton Man" call up anything more than the old boy’s club or the vapid horndog with major-league career prospects?
We think so. We think that a "Princeton Man" could mean a man who is asking himself what those "masculine" values like courage, integrity and honor might mean in 2016. Maybe courage means standing up to your boys if they talk about women as if they are less than full human beings. Maybe it means finding out that you’re actually a feminist and saying so. Maybe courage means opening up a bit with friends about emotions that aren’t joy or anger (which pretty much define the spectrum of male emotion that won’t bring down a hailstorm of shame). Maybe it means allowing yourself to be a full and complex human being, to be more than a bro, bro.
Integrity might mean taking responsibility for confronting our privilege. It might mean learning how to be an ally to the people with the least power in whatever room you’re in. It probably doesn’t mean protecting them; it might mean trying to see the situation through their eyes. Integrity might mean having uncomfortable conversations about gender, race and sexuality — and having them again, a little bit better. Integrity might mean admitting when we’re you’re wrong, or just ignorant — and to keep listening.
Maybe having honor means asking if the communities we’re a part of reflect our values of inclusion and diversity, and doing something about it if they don’t. The WeSpeak survey told us that 1 in 4 undergraduate students and 1 in 9 graduate students experienced inappropriate sexual behavior last year. Maybe having honor means knowing how to intervene as a bystander when you see a situation that doesn’t look right. Maybe having honor means speaking up when you hear jokes that make rape or assault seem like part of the status quo. "Nah, bro — this is Princeton. We’re better than that."
Maybe in a hundred years, men in the class of 2116 will be looking back at pictures of this community — this fantastically diverse community — and think...I wonder what it was like to have a physical body, to be more than pure digital consciousness? What was it like to just "use" the internet, and not "be" the internet?
We hope they’ll also look at the men in this community and see people of courage, integrity and honor who stepped up to help build a just and equal world. Maybe they’ll think of us as Princeton Men to look up to.
Signed,
Kurt Thiemann ‘17
JT Wu ‘16
Carl Adair GS
The authors are members of Princeton’s MAVRIC Project (Men’s Allied Voices for a Respectful and Inclusive Community).Read More
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