In Gillian Flynn’s novel Gone Girl, the basis for a recent popular movie, a specific passage from the book highlights a particularly apt social dilemma women face. The main character Amy Dunne, the titular “gone girl”, says, “Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping”. The problem with the Cool Girl concept is that she is considered not like “all the other girls” – she is considered superior because of her more masculine interests. Consequently, any women who fall outside of this narrow definition of “cool” are viewed less favorably.
A prime example of the superior treatment Cool Girls receive in the media is Jennifer Lawrence, contrasted with another actress, Anne Hathaway. Both Oscar-winning actresses, both young, beautiful, and talented. Yet, Lawrence has become the darling of the American media while Hathaway is bewilderingly vilified. The difference, an article in Vanity Fair argues, is the respective public personalities they’ve conjured. While Lawrence “has become a media darling by showing seemingly little interest in modifying herself for the media, discussing in interviews everything from being ‘uneducated’ to her deep-seated desire to be so unburdened by work that she does not have to change her pants for days on end”, Hathaway was “panned for sweetly taking the microphone during [Les Miserables’s] win so that she could thank people whom she had forgotten on her first trip to the podium” at the Golden Globes. Sasha Weiss of The New Yorker writes, ironically in its article “Anne Hathaway: In Defense of the Happy Girl,” that “I’m not so sure that girls are likeable, and I think this goes for girlish women like Anne Hathaway”. Weiss also goes onto say that society holds a “suppressed, itchy attitude that is probably more widely held than we’d like to think: the idea that young girls are ridiculous, annoying, and a little disgusting.” Lawrence, who at least in front of the media, harbors more masculine traits, is consequently viewed more favorably.
Women tend to be rewarded for having traditionally masculine interests and derided for having traditionally feminine interests, even if those interests should be respected just the same. In her article “The pursuit of frivolity”, Shruthi Deivasigamani notes that female interests such as fashion or boy bands are considered “frivolous” even though male interests such as sports aren’t viewed that way: “People scoff at fashion magazines that list the season’s must-have lipsticks, or splurge-worth blazers, or designer stilettos. The whole field is viewed more often than not as extraneous – fluffy and inconsequential.” Things like fashion cannot even be criticized as unproductive or unessential – that would describe male interests like sports and video games as well – so they are dismissed as trivial – an entirely arbitrary insult.
The Cool Girl phenomenon presents women with an unsettling dilemma – to be considered one of the “cool” ones, they have to abandon or conceal traits that are considered feminine. This kind of unnatural, cultivated performance that women must endure has become especially normalized in the workplace. The Internet is full of advice about how not to be considered an “Office Mom,” a role in which you will be marginalized as a woman who has “Advil and tissues in her desk drawer” and “remembers everyone’s birthday and brings in cupcakes.” There is also a stigma against emotion in the workplace, which people argue leads to a lack of professionalism. But the definition of professionalism has been largely normalized by a masculine lens – if emotion was dealt with empathetically and productively instead of treated as a weakness, emotion in the workplace would be seen much more favorably. These altogether harmless behaviors, just like fashion and boy bands, are disrespected and ridiculed simply for being “girly”, and yet, have become widely accepted as professional no-no’s.
In order to combat the pervasive status quo that masculine traits and behaviors are superior, women must look at social criticisms they receive using a finer lens. Is the behavior they’re engaging in actually harmful, or is it simply derided because it’s feminine? To answer this question will require a massive shift in perspective, since concealing femininity and accepting masculine behaviors as superior has become so normalized. Fortunately, realizing that our perspectives must change is the first step towards a truly equal society.
Barbara Zhan is an Operations Research and Financial Engineering major from Plainsboro, N.J. She can be reached at barbaraz@princeton.edu.
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