Ask the Sexpert: Feb. 14, 2013

Dear Sexpert,

I have been in a relationship for quite some time now and was really looking forward to the first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend. However, such is my luck that I am going to have my period on the big day. I was really excited to do something special for my boyfriend, and I know that he is expecting a lot. I haven’t broken the inevitable news to him yet, partly because I am really embarrassed, and partly because I know he will be disappointed. Furthermore, he will be extremely grossed out, which would render the entire milestone completely unromantic. Do you have any other ideas for ways I could approach my boyfriend and salvage the occasion?

Sincerely,

— Bloody Valentine

Dear Bloody Valentine,

The onset of Valentine’s Day comes with expectations of grandiose demonstrations of love, not all of which are entirely realistic. While expressions of love are a great thing, like most other holidays, Valentine’s Day is accompanied by a whole lot of unnecessary pressure and stress. Not only are dinners, chocolates and flowers the order of the day, but also expensive lingerie, rose petals and sex. Lots of sex. So your feelings are completely understandable, but nonetheless I think your day can still be great. While it is not necessary to do anything sexual to show someone you care, there are plenty of physically intimate things you and your boyfriend can do together.

Try changing your perspective a bit: ruling out sex allows you to be a lot more imaginative about the types of things you can do. For instance, massages are a great way to make someone feel good and loved. There are also a lot of couples’ games that involve asking different questions to get to know what your partner’s sexual desires and fantasies are. Talking about sex with your partner can not only be erotic and fun, but also build trust, closeness and make you feel more comfortable with each other — the key to better sex in the future.

Speaking of being comfortable with your partner, while many people might be slightly uncomfortable talking about periods, a woman having her period is totally natural and a sign of physical health. The absence of periods, called amenorrhea, can be due to a number of things such as poor nutrition, stress, depression, ongoing illness, a hormonal disorder and of course, pregnancy. So, you and your boyfriend should be relieved you have your period, since its absence would be more far more worrisome. While it is the unfortunate reality that menstruation is a taboo topic, it should be something you can at least speak to your boyfriend about without feeling mortified. Open communication is a good thing!

Contrary to some myths about menstruation, of which there are many, it is perfectly fine to have sex during your period if you are both willing. Some women choose not to have sex while menstruating because they feel physically uncomfortable. However, should you choose to have sex during your period, please know that pregnancy risks (unless you are on the pill) and STIs are still a concern. The likelihood of becoming pregnant while menstruating is extremely small, but not zero. Further, safe sex is always crucial, but especially during your period when the cervix opens to allow blood to pass through, also allowing for bacteria to travel deep inside the pelvic cavity. You are also more likely to pass on blood-borne diseases like HIV and hepatitis to a partner during your period and more likely to develop yeast or bacterial infections because the vagina’s pH during menstruation is less acidic.

If you are on the birth control pill already, you may be able to delay when menstruation occurs. You can schedule an appointment with Sexual Health and Wellness at University Health Services to discuss this possibility.

Get the best of ‘the Prince’ delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe now »

I hope that you are able to have a comfortable conversation with your boyfriend about your period and work out some fun Valentine’s Day activities that you will both enjoy! Don’t let yourself be pressured to do something that you are uncomfortable with, and remember, having your period is nothing to be ashamed of — it indicates that you are a healthy woman!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

— The Sexpert

Interested in Sexual Health? The Sexpert is always looking for passionate members of the community to join the team of sexual health educators who, along with fact-checking from University health professionals, help write these columns. Email sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com for more information and, of course, with your questions about sexual health. Don’t be shy!