Davis '12 wins pickup game, proving Jeremy Lin is little bitch*
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Former guard Doug Davis ’12 defeated Harvard graduate and Houston Rockets point guard Jeremy Lin 20-19 in a pickup game of one-on-one basketball Thursday night at a community park in New Haven.
“Lin’s last five outings against the Tigers prove that Princeton players have completely figured out Jeremy Lin,” Marv Albert, the famous basketball announcer, said. “Too bad the Lakers haven’t.”
Davis raced out to an early lead off a 6-0 run to start the game. He blew by Lin on the perimeter on the first possession, driving to the basket for a layup and drawing a foul. It appeared Lin was attempting to draw a charge, but to no avail, and Davis sunk the subsequent free throw.
“He flopped like a fucking fish!” San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili said about Lin during the play. “Even I couldn’t pull that off!”
Lin was limited to the perimeter on the next possession by Davis’ defense, and his shot rimmed out. Davis grabbed the rebound and raced back behind the three-point line for an outside shot, which he sunk.
“Davis thoroughly outclassed Lin, both on the perimeter and off the dribble,” TNT commentator Reggie Miller said. “This just proves that no matter how good Harvard thinks it is at everything, it will never be better than Princeton in basketball.”
The first half was not all Davis, however. Lin first got on the board with two made free throws when Davis was whistled for a shooting foul three minutes into the game. Lin was perfect from the line during the game, shooting 8-8.
“He needed all the charity he could get from the stripe,” former Lakers coach Phil Jackson said about Lin’s free-throw shooting. “I guess they’re really good at taking charity up in Cambridge.”
The rest of the first frame saw the two players trade baskets back and forth, and the score stood at 11-7 in Davis’ favor going into halftime.
“IT’S TURRIBLE!!!” Charles Barkley said at the half about Lin’s defense. “Davis is parting Lin’s defense like the Red Sea!”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Magic Johnson said. “Davis needs more than one person on defense to part it like the Red Sea.”
“SHUT UP!” Barkley countered. “TURRIBLE!!!”
Lin stepped up his game in the opening minutes of the second half, going on a 6-0 run of his own, sinking two jump shots and using his height advantage over Davis on a post-up play. Davis was not about to roll over, however, and started a run of near impossible layups.
“Damn,” said Derrick Rose, one of several pro stars in attendance. “That was some straight-up ridiculous shit, and I don’t say that about just anybody.”
Just like the end of the first half, the end of the second half was back and forth, and with 15 seconds left, Lin had possession with the score at 19-18 in his favor. A score by Lin would have sealed the game, but he again fell through in the clutch against Princeton. Davis forced the steal, and was immediately fouled by Lin, with the clock sitting at 2.8 seconds. Davis, not yet in the bonus, checked the ball in, dribbled once to his right, pump-faked and swished a 19-foot jump shot to beat Lin, 20-19.
“DOUGIEMANIA!!! DOUGIEMANIA!!!” Metta World Peace was heard yelling after Davis’s buzzer-beater.
“I wasn’t impressed,” Kobe Bryant said.
Lebron James was unable to be reached for comment. Reports indicated that he was too busy cuddling with the Miami Heat’s NBA championship trophy.
Davis, Lin and the spectators soon cleared out of the park, packing up and leaving the area remarkably fast.
“It’s New Haven, man,” Steve Kerr said. “I’m not staying around for someone to mug me.”