Top Ten Ways to Keep Bugs Out of Your Room

1) Leave a dead ant outside your door to set an example.

2) Line your door frames with acid.

3) Get a pet anteater.

4) Pour Everclear on them.

5) Swiffer with Raid.

6) Install a looping video of the death scene in “A Bug’s Life.”

7) Put up a poster of Tony Kadyhrob.

8) Sign them up for the Free Food listserv.

9) Post unflattering photos of them on Facebook.

10) Arson.