Hooking up with true love

I am always amused to read the exchanges between the Anscombe Society’s spokesperson (whoever that may be) and the token sexual liberal who responds (whoever that may be) in the editorial pages of the ‘Prince’ come Valentine’s Day. The columns follow a familiar pattern: Anscombe rails against the evils of the campus hook-up culture, the sexual liberal dismisses the former’s “irrational” argument and wants to just “stick with the facts” when it comes to sex. Never mind that things labeled “facts” are thrown around casually and without much context by both contributors and that the differences between the two viewpoints are and always have been to a great extent philosophical. Even if Anscombe is right about some of the emotional and physical risks that come with casual sex, since when has the presence of risk ever deterred people from engaging in all sorts of activities, ranging from smoking to bungee jumping? And even if the sexual liberals are right that these risks are blown out of proportion by anxious traditionalists, who is to say that there isn’t a “design plan” for human sexuality that has been thrown out of whack by the hookup culture?

Rather than try to resolve these arguments here, I want to suggest another way to tackle this issue: Look through the lens of popular culture. If people cast their cultural votes at least partly through their preferences in movies, for example, then it should be possible to take the pulse of the zeitgeist by looking for a common thread in the most successful ones. And when it comes to romantic comedies, the genre most immediately relevant to our current discussion, the results turn out to be very revealing.

See if you recognize this plot: An outwardly successful man (or woman) is very adept at attracting the attention of the opposite sex. He (or she) has lots of dates and maybe even a few long-ish relationships. But these casual flings just don’t satisfy. Enter a dynamic new character, the seeming opposite of the lead in most areas that matter. They flirt, they clash, they get each other into trouble … and it gradually becomes clear that they were meant for each other. The movie ends with both characters finding true love in each other’s arms.

It only takes a casual search through movie titles to find many examples of this formula. In “Something’s Gotta Give,” Jack Nicholson plays an improbable senior womanizer who has his pick of young, attractive ladies. None of his flings, however, compare with the joy of finding true love with Diane Keaton’s character. In “Wedding Crashers,” both Vince Vaughn’s and Owen Wilson’s characters have made an art of sleeping with all the vulnerable bridesmaids they can get their hands on. But by the end they’ve discovered true love … by getting hitched themselves. Perhaps my favorite example comes from this year’s “Sex Drive.” Clark Duke plays Lance, the teenage friend of the lead character who has no trouble luring in women with his precocious charms. By the end of the movie, however, he’s decided that it’s a “man’s life” to “kick it Amish,” work hard in the fields and stay with Mary, the special girl he met on the titular road trip.

If the success of these movies is any indication, there is a strong hunger among moviegoers to see characters find that one special person who will complete them and give them something to live for. Becoming committed to just one person is seen as a sign of maturity, of discovering life’s true meaning, whereas hooking up with lots of people is seen as shallow and pathetic. Persistence and sacrifice are rewarded. Taking the easy way out through cheating or avoiding commitment is not.

Of course, casual sexual relationships are not condemned by these movies as strongly as traditionalists would like, and they seem to represent the norm for at least a certain stage in an individual’s life (namely, college and the first stages in one’s career). In the end the message that these movies send is mixed.

Another caveat is that these movies don’t really try to give accurate pictures of real-world romance. One wonders, for example, what happens to all these glorious romantic entanglements once the reality of life together sets in. (Joke: Why do Greek comedies always end in marriage? Because that’s when the tragedy begins.)

I do think, however, that the popularity of these movies shows that some very traditional ideas about love and relationships still constitute the norm for many people, even if they expect to be able to get away with a little adventurousness before getting “hitched.” In the end, society’s ideal is neither the Anscombian model of strict premarital chastity nor the sexual liberal’s. As is often the case when it comes to the choice between competing ideologies, the real state of affairs is somewhere in the middle.

John David Walters is a religion major from Thessaloniki, Greece. He can be reached at jdwalter@princeton.edu.