Reader Comments
How to be a feminist without anyone knowing
Published: Thursday, February 28th, 2008
I'm not a feminist, but..." is a phrase I hear women at Princeton say quite often. Speaking here last week, author Courtney Martin encouraged her audience to break out of that mindset and embrace a new f-word: feminism. This is ...(back to the article)
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I think this is a problem... without using the F-word, where's our power? the f-word allows us to articulate the fact that there are systems of male oppression occurring. to be in fear of the F-word is to depoliticize feminism-- it becomes wittled away to all individual actions... this is not a great article. if we're feminists, we need to think about HOW and WHY we deserve to claim that identity. if we aren't, then we need to ask ourselves honestly, is it because we are afraid? or something else?
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I object to this article's title. Why would anyone NOT want others to know she's a feminist? Women should be proud of our abilities and contributions. Instead of letting men and self-loathing women dictate what a "feminist" is, women should take back the term.
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On the mentioned sociological note that there is no male term for the word "slut," the word is a variant of the word "player" in some sections of the 'hood. The P-word has bling-bling and a high status factor peer rating.
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Re. the "sluts"/"whores" paragraph, I think it's unfair that men typically get so much flak for "demeaning" women when it's typically women who typically use such words and perpetuate sexual norms.
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responding to comment #2.... if i hear the word extremist connected to feminism one more time i think i'm going to become one. or maybe i already am. what IS a feminist extremist? you know, i think it's code for lesbian. or like my high school students (aka CHILDREN) think, "feminists are radical, hairy, lesbian, husband-leaving, wiccans." sooooo....some of us never get passed high school. I guess THAT's not news. the fact that this discussion still has to happen is so frustrating to me. is the majority of the population still discussing whether or not african americans should have the right to vote? to marry whites? no. and we shouldn't be. and we also shouldn't be having to continually process and defend the idea that someone with a vagina should get paid the same as someone with a penis. it is evidence that most people are lazy thinkers. anti-feminist women don't want to lose the fringe benefits of being seen as "weaker" and anti-feminist men are afraid of losing the power now held by their gender in today's world. i am so grateful that i grew up with the RADICAL EXTREMIST notion that women are equal. extremists.....UGH!
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Thank you for your well written piece. While your intentions are good, I think your example comparing attitudes toward Senators Clinton and McCain is simplistic and somewhat off base. Surely, Senator McCain's age has been a topic of discussion throughout his campaign. Indeed, his senior citizen status is often levied as a criticism of his suitabilty for office. While one could argue convincingly that youth and physical attractiveness correlate more significanty in women, botox or not there is an impetus for Senator McCain to project youthfulness, to appear younger than his stated age.
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Amen! It's too bad feminism has been associated with extremists, since as you said, it has made feminism into an "f" word.
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<i>As Tina Fey explained in "Mean Girls," if women call each other sluts and whores, it makes it OK for guys to call them sluts and whores.</i> Isn't Tiny currently having heaps of praise on her for calling Hillary Clinton a bitch, and proclaiming that "bitches get stuff done"? I'll pass, thanks.
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nice
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Read this as a link in a post Feministing by Courtney. Nice job I just wish more people would be willing to accept the necessity of all the things you mentioned. Too many think that those are not issues that need to be addressed. I love your article! Hopefully my few friends at your school will read this article and believe in the power of the F word :)
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Jsp, Yep. I think feminists ARE doing that and HAVE been doing that for quite a while. For a historic example, see Gloria Steinem's essay on feminism and men: http://scriptorium.lib.duke.edu/wlm/aims/
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"Why not? Why do I have to prove that I "deserve" equal rights? Also, when did any feminist support differing social standards for the genders? You don't hear feminists saying that men can never be afraid or emotional. Feminists have been saying since at least the '60s that feminism liberates men from restricting roles, as well as women." Well, what are equal rights? The right to vote, the right to free speech? There are certain rights that most people in America have said are universal and don't have to be "deserved." But the right not to be stereotyped? I don't know if that is a natural right...and that is not to say that women SHOULD be stereotyped, but as long as feminists don't fight FOR breaking down the constructs in which men are held, I think it will be hard for people to get over the (incorrect!) idea that, ceteris paribus, men can lead organizations better than women. And I also don't think that it is good enough to say that feminists DON'T say that men can "never be emotional." Societally, men should be allowed to be as emotional as women and receive the same treatment as women in these situations (that is, not to be scorned when they watch "chick flicks" or cry at songs)...I think that is part of what feminists should fight for, if indeed most feminists want perfectly equal rights for men and women.
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I completely agree with the point of this article. Too often feminism is seen as a dirty word, and I've heard that "I'm not a feminist but..." line WAY too many times. Not being a feminist means admitting men are better, more powerful and more intelligent than women. Be proud to be a feminist, and don't worry that men will judge you for not being "feminine" enough. True femininity and feminism go hand in hand.
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Good job Chloe! Well-written, concise and convincing.
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JSP: <i>Another point is that, as long as men and women are judged by different standards socially, it will be hard for feminists to say that they deserve equal rights.</i> Why not? Why do I have to prove that I "deserve" equal rights? Also, when did any feminist support differing social standards for the genders? You don't hear <i>feminists</i> saying that men can never be afraid or emotional. Feminists have been saying since at least the '60s that feminism liberates men from restricting roles, as well as women.
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The brainlessness and condescension of this article is astounding! Of course Chapstick never "empowered" anyone and naturally no one should ever have sex if what they really want is not to have sex... But I guess we needed a feminist to tell us... Also: "You have an amazing brain"? Chloe Angyal you have never met me! Putting that in a column is completely meaningless and will never make anyone feel more confident about their intellect.
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Chloe, I agree with most of your article. But, I also think you make the broad and common generalization that only women are judged by appearance. I am a short male (under 5'6''). The whole idea that there is a "short-man" syndrome should make it clear that even men are evaluated based on this facet. In fact, I would argue that the physical standards by which men judge women are easier to reach than those by which women judge men. For example, if a woman wants to lose weight or apply more make-up (or whatever women do to make themselves attractive), they can with little expense. On the other hand, I don't know of any way to grow a few inches...surgery maybe? Somehow, it doesn't seem fair in the physical realm. Another point is that, as long as men and women are judged by different standards socially, it will be hard for feminists to say that they deserve equal rights. For example, if a crazy guy came in a room and started ranting menacingly, I think more women could get away with screaming than men. Men are held to higher standards of courage (unfairly or not), and I think maybe that is something that you should address. All in all, though, I do believe men and women should get equal rights. And, in this upcoming election, if Hillary were not running such an underhanded campaign (I think), I would feel sorry for the fact that she is criticized because she is a woman. Best, JSP
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Do feminist women not revere strong contributors to society who happen to be male, or is that part just taken for granted?
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OK, Chloe. You've convinced me. I'm a feminist
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Pardon the copious typos.
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Wow! I am as proud to call myself a feminist as I am to call myself a woman. Once I realized that what true feminism stood for, I knew it was a good word and didn't mind being called it. I think it's sad that some women don't want to use it themselves because it's been given a bad connotation by those who want to subjugate others. They don't get to define us! I don't think you have to call yourself a feminist to be a feminist, but I think it's a problem that in our culture it would not a label one would gladly take. Feminism will not be universally embraced until there is no longer a need for the word.
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SOLID
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An excellent column.
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Ditto on Pendragon's Dowd comment.
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I am out of college and an out-and-proud feminist, but I still appreciate your straightforward tips on what women can do to reduce the culture of contempt for our sex. (And yes, anonymous, men can, should, and do makee such efforts too.) The only thing that gave me pause was the reference to Maureen Dowd. Although Dowd is undoubtedly intelligent and accomplished, she is not necessarily a friend to feminism. Her columns are routinely criticized in feminist blogs for their gender-based criticisms of Senator Clinton.
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This article seems to be written from the stance that only women can be feminists. Don't forget that a man can also be "someone who thinks that women deserve the same rights, opportunities and responsibilities as men."
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