Hopeless romantics, be advised: the following Valentine's Day weather column has been certified schmaltz-free by the Kiefer Sutherland Institute for Advanced Scowling. Therefore, all milquetoast pantywaists should proceed immediately to Appendix A, the official First Amendment expression area for overwrought sappiness, where selected lyrics to Rod Stewart's "Sometimes When We Touch" have been reproduced. However, if you think caring is creepy and your "A game" is Risk (or Stratego), then congratulations, this Bud's for you.
Actually, one might be well advised to make the weather your valentine, as it selflessly and munificently delivered the goods this weekend. Like an Oreo cookie unexpectedly discovered upon consumption to be a Double Stuf, Saturday and Sunday's snowstorm greatly exceeded all expectations, smothering campus in 16 inches of blissful snow. Winter buffs, the Eagle has landed. Note well, though: I am not forecasting any more snow threats in the foreseeable future, and high temperatures will be gradually rising to around 50 by late week. Thus, take advantage of the opportunity for winter horseplay while you can. To do otherwise would be the worst decision since UPN decided to air the unfortunately-titled sitcom "Homeboys in Outer Space" way back in '96.
Another truth laid bare by the recent winter storm is the blatant inadequacy of Princeton's treacherous sidewalks for personal transportation. Clearly, this underscores the wisdom of my modest proposal to connect campus nexuses with a comprehensive system of sleek, efficient ski lifts. Come on people, those high-speed quads aren't going to build themselves!
Appendix A: Selected Lyrics to Rod Stewart's "Sometimes When We Touch"
And sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide.
I want to hold you till I die,
'til we both break down and cry.
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides.
Original URL: http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/2006/02/13/14441/